I have just hung up,

I wish I had done more. Said more. Been more helpful.

My shoulders are heavy, my back is sore as I stand up from the couch.

My heart is sinking.

My legs need to move. Take me to some other places.

It was one too many things today.

Too much information found its way to my heart.

I pretend I don’t have time to engage in their turmoil.  .  

“sorry I don’t have much time today”

“I have a lot going on, I need to go”

“sorry I don’t have much energy”

Guilt takes me in a different direction.

I have to be there for them, ‘cause I’m the lucky one.

So I engage internally. The heaviness builds up.

My legs attempt to run away from it.

But it’s invading all the free space within.

There is not enough space to breathee

My legs give up.

I slump down on the side of my bed.

I surrender.

Like a vase overflowing.

It’s coming out, all of a sudden

A burst of water out of the creases of my eyes

A burst of sounds comes as well

My shoulders rhythmed by those outbursts.

Not sure what is mine.

I ask that all that is not mine leave me now

Then what is left of mine, I’m happy to stay with

I stay here. In silence

My breath finds room inside.

My tears shaping now into a silent stream over my cheekbones

Until they dry out by the time they reach my jaw.

I stand up and walk out of my bedroom.